Why so serious big girls?

[supercelt]

@ typetype: I get the vibe that you don't trust men/think that all we want is s--. I could be way off the mark here, but that's what I'm getting.

Just one caveat: contrary to popular belief, a guy's thoughts don't revolve around s--. Do we thing about it? Yes, we do. Any man who tells you different is either a saint or a liar. Usually the latter. But our ultimate goal isn't always s--.

That being said, you can't expect an immediate connection from a single glance at a woman. That comes later. But that initial spark is usually initiated from physical attraction. But not every guy cares only about the physical part.

[sheevaa]

`Typetype did sum it up rather well, though. People can be such arses when it comes to big women that we just lose hope and just expect ridicule and pain from the men that approach us.

It's hard not to put up that wall nice and high even when the nice boys come around. Sorry supercelt:P Not all big women are like that, but if you are interested in a big woman, chances are that's what you'll have to contend with.

[supercelt]

@ shevaa: As a coda to my last post, I'll add this. I've run into the exact same problem as bigmandrew, and it's frustrating. And I've been at the other end, where some women have said some down right nasty things both to my face and behind my back. All I'm saying is to give us guys a chance. We're not all bad. :D

[flameofsuzaku]

`Wow ... and i thought i had issues.
But yes, I think most of the women here more than overly explained why big girls give people the cold shoulder. We've been hurt, ridiculed, and passed over. Always the friend, essentially. But you like what you like so go at her. Personally, what I like is when a guy comes over with no lines no gimmicks and asks me my name and attempts to carry on a normal conversation. ANd i forget who said it, but laughter is a plus. LoL

I think this whole thread showed that most of us in fact are not happy as Big "Beautiful" Women because if we truly felt we were beautiful then people like bigandrew and supercelt and alllllll the other guys out there would not have these problems. The few times guys have approached me I'll admit I was a little stand-offish but by no means rude. It takes courage to go up to a total stranger and strike up a conversation and we (big women) need to learn that. It'll be hard but open up a little. Not every guy is trying to do you wrong. Yoiu can tell that within 5secs and yes its ok to shoot then down like every other girl in that bar probably did.

Guys - make her laugh, buy her a drink, and if you really like her ... tell her you should txt sometime
Girls - its not all them. You lose the good ones due to your insecurities.

[tanya89 (deleted)]

`This is what would work for me personally.

Smile when you are approaching but not one of those. "I have candy in my van for you" smiles. make sure you have a conversation plan...I prefer my conversations to start out on the sarcastic side something funny and dry. Don't be nervous it sets off an alarm in my brain saying, "This one is going to be a hit and run!" Be genuine and look into my eyes, nothing more sexy than a man wanting to talk to you...not your b--bs or your bottom. If I seem a little cool tell me a joke even if it is, "Two guys walk into a bar..." this shows you care about making the situation comfortable and less hostile. Please don't get too close at first, I have an issue with space invasion. Mostly because a fair majority of people I have let close to me have hurt me in some way...even females who used to be friends. Shy is adorable but only for so long. Eventually you need to take control of the situation and ask me to dance. I love to dance but realize that most of the people in the place have said or done something to make me feel insecure so you need to take me by the hand.

[terrybogard23]

tanya89 wrote: `This is what would work for me personally.

Smile when you are approaching but not one of those. "I have candy in my van for you" smiles. make sure you have a conversation plan...I prefer my conversations to start out on the sarcastic side something funny and dry. Don't be nervous it sets off an alarm in my brain saying, "This one is going to be a hit and run!" Be genuine and look into my eyes, nothing more sexy than a man wanting to talk to you...not your b--bs or your bottom. If I seem a little cool tell me a joke even if it is, "Two guys walk into a bar..." this shows you care about making the situation comfortable and less hostile. Please don't get too close at first, I have an issue with space invasion. Mostly because a fair majority of people I have let close to me have hurt me in some way...even females who used to be friends. Shy is adorable but only for so long. Eventually you need to take control of the situation and ask me to dance. I love to dance but realize that most of the people in the place have said or done something to make me feel insecure so you need to take me by the hand.




good advice,but is it ok for me to grab your hand? is that not TOO forceful?

[tanya89 (deleted)]

`If we have been chatting for a while and you aren't getting a look that says, "I wish you would just leave me alone" then you are all clear to hold the hand.

[sas4137]

`i am not judging all guys when I say this or even saying most bigger women think this but when a man approaches us and it appears to be flirting the first thing that i think is that, "Is this guy being real or is it a joke." I've had rough relationships it has been hard to meet men who are the real deal. As i have read in a few posts we guard our hearts . this is true because it is harder on us for rejection and to protect our self it may seem like we are ignorant and that just isn't true. It may actually be a defense mechanism that many women portray in order to protect them selves from being hurt again. As a new nurse and more so a woman i see it all the time. just a little hint don't be all creepy when walking up to us it my actually take a little longer to break us down ;)

[jeunflut1974]

I am surprised to see how many women think a guy asks them out as a joke. I guess I am lucky because I have never been asked out as a joke. If a guy approaches me and asks me out, I always assumes its because he thinks i am pretty. haha Maybe I was naive or something. Anyways, don't focus on the negative and don't wait for the bad to happen and usually, you won't even notice the stares or comments.

Trish

[anainthestars (deleted)]

actually for me if a guy comes up to me to compliment me, I blush and smile...it'll take a lot more for me to actually exchange numbers or go on a date...I need more than a "hi! Hi! I like you, let's go out" but then again...how am I going to know the person if we don't go out....so now I try to lower down my guard but it can be hard...

not sure if I made any sense here...I guess it depends on your upbringing and how the teasing affected you in the past...

[heartnsoul58 (deleted)]

sas4137 wrote: I am not judging all guys when I say this or even saying most bigger women think this but when a man approaches us and it appears to be flirting the first thing that i think is that, "Is this guy being real or is it a joke." I've had rough relationships it has been hard to meet men who are the real deal.

I think I touched on this in another thread somewhere. But I will say again that it is sad that there are so many closet skinny-chsing freaks out there who think its cute to play games with full figure beauties. But keep in mind that there are also plenty of assertive Bbw admirers like me out there, who genuinely find FF ladies adorable in so many ways. Not because they must be desperate or easy. But just because they are full grown exciting! :)

[shylagirl24 (deleted)]

`how pathetic is it to be so ugly that not even bbw admirers come up and talk to you?

it's all still about beauty, in the end.

[louie2010 (deleted)]

`I have no problem speaking my mind and I am always honest. If I do see a woman and something catches my eye: her smile, her dimples, her eyes, even her physique, I walk up to her and tell her. I don't expect a negative reaction, just a smile, and I hope she sees the sincerity in my eyes when I do tell her. Unfortunately, this day in age, many people are hesitant in giving anyone a compliment for fear of some sort of harassment. So if you are being honest with yourself when approaching someone to initiate some sort of conversation, let your eyes tell her you are being sincere.

[robynk (deleted)]

I personally Smile and thank them. I have a great sense of humor too, which is my guard I put up.. And if they play along, then I go with it.. If they look at me with confusion.. I just smile and wish them a great day.. I may be large... but I am awesome, and fun to hang with. Confidence goes a long ways girls.. And men like that. Some guys that go only for thin girls is more for social acceptable situations.. In the long run, most of those men will realize, and most often then not, be with a larger woman in there further years. I love thin, large, tall, funny, pretty much any guy that seems fun.. I'm not into looks or physique as much as i am into .. Can I hang with him 8 hrs and not want to hide when he looks the other way. I'm not desperate, I'm just real.. I like what I like and I know that Guy is out there for me.. My body may be large, but my heart is larger.. when I love, I love big.. Be positive woman.. We are important.. YOU are important.

[vikingwolfie (deleted)]

`me and my wife tryed talking to a girl here where we live now mind you my wife is 300lbs and all we said was that the girl was vary sexy and i got cussed out i do think its s aid that so many men treat BBW's so bad i my self have tuned up several men like that my self and to tell you the truth it was fun giving back a little of what crap they have been giving the big girls around here and as for robynk i think you have a wonderful out look on things