Why so serious big girls?

[emlitgal0728 (deleted)]

I have heard nasty comments every once in awhile but honestly, and I hate to play devil's advocate here, skinny girls get that a lot too and we're not the only ones. I dont ever let what anyone says get to me anymore. I used to but once I hit my 2nd semester in college I learned that if someone makes a comment to you about your weight or some other aspect of your appearance and you dont feel that way or you dont feel you need to change, then who really cares?? It's about what you think of yourself and not what others think of you. My friend in college isn't pencil thin and I wouldnt consider her big either but she has HUGE self-esteem issues.....more than I ever did and I have never seen someone get as upset as she does over the smallest things. Confidence is key ladies!!! If you have that strong confidence and you let it show....nothing will ever get you down and you will seem more attractive to men. I guarantee it.

[bigmandrew]

`Yeah...I guess that summed up my point. I found out once that a girl from high school that I was really into liked me. This was almost 5 years later. I told her I really liked her back then, but was convinced she didn't like me because she was constantly rude to me. She admitted that she wasn't very confident and always though I was messing with her when I would try to flirt. I didn't realize how defensive large women could be. But with that I can't help but wish that big girls would just get over all this stuff like emlitgal here said so my flirting wouldn't come off as me messing with them. But if wishes were cows, I guess we all would be eating steak.

[princessadriana]

southernfinery wrote: `serious about what?Are you speaking metaphorically or literally?If it's the latter then let me be the first to jump up and say"cause every skinning girl or almost everyone I see has no control over their mouths nor do some of the guys but I reckon you don't notice how us big girls have to be defensive to protect our hearts huh?I guess you only see two legs and a nice tush huh?You ever pay attention to how the people around the big girl are looking at her?Do you ever hear the comments like"oh my god she is so big"?Do you ever even try to help a lady out when she's being bombarded by negative,hurtful words aimed at demeaning her as a woman first and then as a person.Ok fine let's pretend we don't hear the comments or hear the giggling or see the stares.Oh and my fav. is how a couple will walk by and the woman will say something to the guy and he turns around to look at you and then he turns back to his female friend and they exchange words and both start laughing.You don't ever see this kind of behaviour do you?Oh I know how about the special occassion when this big girl is out with family and they sit down in a nice restarunt(spelling oops)and some man and woman come in with their kids and it is usually the woman that starts the rant by telling her husband to look at that girl and of course the kids hear and have to look also.Or how about when you are trying to watch a movie with a friend and you get comments behind you but they always make sure the comments are loud enough for you to hear and they are always always about how she has started a new diet and then for some unknown reason you hear giggling.So now you tell me after all this negativity being shoved down this girls throat does it make sense that she is a tad defensive or standoffish?





I was going to say something before....but decided against it because who am I to correct you....I don't want you as my woman...I'm looking for a man. But then I read this, and though there are some things you say that are true....u went over the top. I said all tat to say....damn, you are the most negative person on largepassions.com and it's sad. Every forum I comment in, if you have commented as well, it's something negative or a wisecrack. Are you happy?

Kisses and Cupcakes
Princess

[sharlie27]

I've recently been running into a very interesting issue in my dating life. When I see a pretty BBW while I'm out and I get up the guts to approach her, but I immediately get this attitude from them as if I'm doing something wrong. It's like the ice refuses to break. Perhaps all the girls I've met recently have been the Mama hen type, but what's funny is I rarely get this reaction from smaller girls. It's like the smaller girls are being nicer to me. And it's frustrating because I don't really prefer them. So maybe some of you can shed some light. BBW's, why so serious?

Okay....I was in the process of answering this and my computer froze...which blew my train of thought so let me try it again....

I read this post a while ago but chose not to reply until now because I needed to do some self reflection on this topic. I know I do this and it a fear reaction. Ice wall to keep people out because they may be hurtful. Just never know and I know this goes for "skinny" girls as well. I am a serious person anyway. I look around and I ask the same thing you do..sorta....I wish I could be more outgoing like some BBW(my sister is one)...but I'm me and that's good enough for me. But after reading this I am going to try and be more open and less iceprincess about things.

[southernfinery]

`to the poster who said that they don't want me as their woman,may I ask you a question please ok ty.ARE YOU ON DRUGS?I don't know you and if you have a post in a forum where I have also posted a comment rest assured it has NOTHING to do with you.As for the negativity well young lady the same could and should be said for you.May I make a suggestion in general for you young girls on here?ok ty,,,how about instead of you coming to his defense,let him do it for you that way you aren't made to feel like an attack dog and you want look like one.

[megspeedy]

`I will admit, the times I've been approached by a stranger I am a bit rude. Personally, the reason why I do this is because I don't have much self-confidence. I automatically assume your approaching as a joke and therefore throw up that wall so I won't get hurt. The advice I would give you is just keep trying ;persistence is the key:)

Good luck!
xoxo Meg

[gathickchic78]

`Most BBWS do tend to put up walls but then are ones like me who flirts like crazy why??? because rejection is a part of life.....Keep trying andrew eventually you'll find a princess not made of ice.

[jillers]

`Honestly, like everyone ehre has already said, it's most likely due to having a history of being humiliated when things like that happen. I'm actually pretty confident, but when a guy, out of the blue, hits on me, it freaks me out, and I go cold, because of how many times growing up something like that happened.
Try to strike up a conversation with the girl your interested in, and don't come on to her. If you can make her laugh that's a good thing, at least in my own experience (that is, a guy who can genuinely make me laugh lowers my defenses).
Good luck!

[ettaj1]

goodnightgirl wrote: `I think the problem is that us bigger gals get a lot of negative attention, which includes in my experience guys wolf-whistling or asking us out and stuff as a 'joke'. The genuine approaches are sadly much rarer, and I know that personally I just assume the worst and am perhaps a little guarded or defensive. It's not that I don't want to be approached, but I know that if a nice guy approached me and asked me out I would be waiting for the punchline.



This is exactly the problem. My best friend and I have had this discussion often. When you hear random things like "Take one for the team", "You have pretty eyes" or "You are have a great personality" you start to lose faith that anyone will see you for you and decide to not deal with the disappointment.

[scorpiokween (deleted)]

OK, here are my 2 cents. First, lets start off with some stats. Larger women are not deemed what is the ideal of attractiveness in today's western society. When we do find men who approach either in person or online, the majority of them do it so rudely that many of us have put up massive barriers or have had a lifetime of so many people putting us down that it is hard to be comfortable in our skin.

I think men have to understand this too and be a little more compassionate and patient about our sometimes icy demeanors when they come over and talk to us. Many guys esp. online, will write that they want their women to be confident. How about some guys taking a chance and approach a woman who is not the most confident or seems to have a bit of tude and just keep at it by speaking to her respectfully? I say at least try one more time to approach staying on a friendly tip. I think most will get it and open the armor a little. Even if they are not interested in you, your chutzpah might get you a kinder, gentler response.

I think sometimes when you get some tude, retreat and then maybe reapproach at a later time and just say something like "I think we might have gotten off on the wrong foot. I'd like the chance to get to know you a bit."

You may still get beat down, but maybe it's worth a shot. Maybe I'm just too naieve at my age.

[southernfinery]

`being overweight has never been an exceptable thing in this country,in other countries yes but this one absolutely NO.It is actually shocking to see how the gay majority were so eagerly excepted and that may have something to do with them marching every other week for their"rights"and then they started screaming"foul"everytime someone said no to them.In short they kept their cause in the spotlight and it gained them recognition.For the community of overweight people,we know that the only time we are brought into the spotlight is to be kicked around and openly humiliated by those proclaiming to want to"help".Maybe we should do a little marching of our own before we become the target of hate crimes.Or has that already happened for some?What do you tell an overweight child about why he or she is being bullied?What if it's your child?

[goshujinsama]

`I tell that child the same thing my grandmother told me. "Beat down a bully in front of the others and they won't pick on you anymore" well, more or less. she worded it diffrent but low and behold it worked. in a way it's a simple case of fighting for acceptance. after that no one gave me too much trouble and people got closer to me, either because i just hurt someone who had hurt them for years or because it showed that unlike many i wasn't going to deal with being pushed around my whole life.

I'm not saying fighting is the answer to all lifes problems, as i grew i found i had to learn to control my anger and focus more on letting things go and being happy with the life i have. Standing on the sidelines and shouting about acceptance though does nothing. step up and make people accept you for you, don't let them walk over you and treat you like a lesser person.

but all that aside i'll get back on subject. big guys can be the same way, if we're approached by a woman it's programmed into the back of our brains to think "SHE SPEAKS LIES! DO NOT TRUST!" because we've had so many negative experiences in our lives that someone actualy showing intrest in us seems questionable at best.

[quirkymeggy]

`Andrew. You asked how you should approach a woman to avoid the standoffish response, yes?

I'd say that you should begin by knowing that we're (a lot of us, anyway) very skeptical of affection. It helps if you're quiet, serious, and maybe even a little shy. If you give us the control of the situation, we respond better. A come-on won't do you as much good as an offer. So, think of it as an offer when you approach one of us. Think of it as a tentative, eggshell situation. The tension breaks when you actually show up for the first date. Until we see you NOT leading us on, we're nervous and hard-tempered and skeptical. After that, we're so astonished, we might be sort of silent. Be prepared to carry the conversation for a while.

You'll do just fine. You seem like a good-humored, intelligent guy. You've got this in the bag, my friend. ;D

-Meg

[supercelt]

`One phrase popped out at me while reading this particular topic: "high school mentality." It struck me as funny, mainly because I'm not far removed from high school myself. Therefore, I know what it means.

Take me, for instance. I'm just now coming into my own, finally gaining confidence in my looks and personality. Before, I was in a serious long-term relationship (if such a thing exists in the weird social scene of today's teens), and I was utterly miserable. I had myself convinced that who I had was all I would ever have, and due to some of the well-meaning but ultimately depressing statements (i.e. "you're not my type," "we're better off friends,") I never broke it off until I moved. I was terrified that I'd never find anyone who was into me. I was wrong. Two years later, with a little confidence, I back and better than ever.

All of the above leads into a single suggestion. You have to have confidence, brother. Don't be arrogant, but believe in your qualities as a human and as a man, and eventually the pieces will fit. Hope it helps, bigmandrew.

[typetytype]

Well, let's see You are a large woman, overweight, the sort of person you have heard being ridiculed on television and in movies, all of your life. Comic strips, news articles, magazines are full of jokes about your type or plans to eradicate the earth of your type.

And, you don't actually even have to be a large woman, in reality, for this to be true: you just have to be bigger than Paris Hilton!

So, here you are, hoping to get through a night of being able to drink a drink without someone coming by and making pig noises in your ear, and telling you that you should never enjoy a sip or bite of anything remotely tasty as atonement for not being their type, when up comes a man to hit on you.

Is this man here because he noticed the new Stephen King book sticking out of your purse and he wants to borrow it? Well, it's possible, but, experience says no, probably not. Probably he is here for one of two reasons:

1) He hates your body and he feels the need to tell you about it
2) He wants to have S-- with your body, and he feels the need to tell you about it.

Either way, it is exceedingly unlikely that he singled you out because he has reason to believe you'd have a beautiful connection of mind, body, and spirit. He's just judging you by the size and sum of your most visible parts.

One way, he'll try to hurt your feelings. The other way, he'll expect you to be flattered.

Someone noticing your looks and thinking that is a good reason for you to be grateful that he is talking to you, though, is not a reason to be flattered. Someone noticing your looks, giving you an appreciative smile, and not immediately assuming he should move in for the kill is, however.

The thing is, the smaller women are less likely to be singled out for just their looks, because there is a whole room full of them and most of them look good in relatively the same fashion. If you were hitting on the super hot ones that everyone came up and said the same s---e to, all night, every night, they would respond the same way as the bigger girls of whence you complain and for the same reason:

Women want to be noticed as people, with brains, thoughts, emotions, a need for intelligent conversation, by someone who wants to know them and not just their body. Unless the women are whores, gold diggers, cheating wives and girlfriends, serial killers, or just a drunken ---- out for a good time.

Do not approach nice women as if they are any of these things - approach them if you see something about them besides the curve of their arse or the dimples in their cheeks, that makes you want to know them as a person.

Or, approach them on a street corner, because those girls do not care, so long as they get paid.

Glad you asked? (grin)