rejection

[southernfinery]

It stings a little bit huh?I know that when I get rejected on this site or any other I try to think of the reason why and all I can come up with is that they simply don't find me interesting in that I want to get to know you better way.It's all good though because I know I am a big beautiful woman with a personality that is on the looking for the positive side so I have no choice but to keep going.I will say that it is pretty sad to critize others for not wanting to chat with you when you don't take the time to respond to a simple hello or to a little note lol.You get these soapbox grandstanders trying to tell everyone else how to live their lives but when you think ok this person seems like the friendly type so you say hi but they don't say nothing back then you get a dose of the reality of who that person is and suddenly they don't seem so friendly.Illusions are meant to be evaporated I suppose but I don't think I will stop hoping or looking for my Hoss even if it takes me the rest of my life lol.I don't think no I know I won't settle for just anything or anyone and I know that I will get rejected more over the course of this life be it for a job or a friendship but I know that I will survive because I am a survivor.

[sheevaa]

`Well, I can't really say for that. I do respond to people if they've taken the time to message me. It can suck if you aren't attracted to someone for whatever reason and have to let them down, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and be a decent person. I know I'd prefer someone to let me know, rather than see "read/deleted" or flat out ignored.

That's the name of the game though, no one is attracted to the same thing. It would be foolish to get bent out of shape because someone didn't think you were the hot sh*t you think you are, lol.

I've taken a pile of rejections, but I've also met some pretty nice people. So, don't be shy, ladies. Your shining knight may not notice you if you're hiding in a corner somewhere.

[southernfinery]

`ty sheevaa and I agree that there are some really nice folks online and that taking the time to say hi back even if your not that into them is polite.No noone likes to be rejected but if you ever go outside ur home or try anything you will learn of rejection in some form sooner or later.Alot of ppl think it's safer to try online because then you don't have them prejudging you based on your social skills or your attire and they think they have the protection of being behind the screen.Rejection can still be felt even over the internet but how you deal with it is where you have the power.You can give in to it and retreat back up into a ball of lifeless goo or you can keep trying.I choose the latter.Being online in these forms of meeting ppl is like being at a party imo.You say hi to as many as you can not necessarily looking for your life party but just to let them know that you acknowledge their presence and you move on if you care to.You may strike up some polite conversation but that doesn't mean that your going home with them afterwards.The only committment you have at this party is to take your time and meet as many folks as possible and not to dare make a judgement especially of someones character if for no other reason then to know that you are not without faults.May GBU and may your shing knight ride into your life soon.

[jjmcclure (deleted)]

`If you are emotionally affected by someone whom only exists online you have already surrendered your power!! A big part of being successful in dating and not making bad choices is too maintain control. Honestly I get about a 1 in 10 response rate for a first email, if you want to talk about how many contacts make it to second emails the number drops quickly to 1 in 20. Number of dates I have actually gone on vs. contacts?? 1 in 50. Remember those numbers do not even include the number of times in a week I will approach a girl off line and get shot down!!!

Bottom line is this, it is a numbers game. I know it sounds shallow but trust me its not. The more you put yourself out there the greater your chances of success and if you get upset every time someone does not return your advance or shoots you down you are going to be too busy being sad to find someone. Honestly I would rather have someone ignore an email compared to some of the mean s--- that women have said/done in person!

Just remember this..."You rock ----' em if they can't see that!!' Say it enough and you will believe it.

Keep the faith.

JJ

[southernfinery]

`I guess I didn't make myself to clear.I was trying to encourage others by using myself as an example.Although I do remember when I was an ugly fat teenager and I really took the lead and tried to develope a friendship with this guy but he let me know in front of his kin who just so happened to be riding with me that he had a friend already.Oh man did my pride take a hit not to mention my heart but that was a long time ago and puppy love is fleeting at best lol.In the now rejection is part of life like when someone chooses to go with another candidate for a job-you got rejected right?Like in a beauty pageant all those not in the top ten got rejected didn't they?If you submit a book for publication and you get a letter saying your book isn't the kind they are looking for at that time,that's rejection isn't it?My mind isn't on trying to find and snare some poor unsuspecting soul lol.I don't need anyone to complete me because God did that when he saved my life and my soul.He is my constant,everfaithful,protective Lord of my life and trust me when I say I am so very happy with him in control.My prayer is and always will be that if he wants me with someone that it be the someone he chooses for me because if he's not in it then I don't want to be either.gbu guys

[mooseuk]

`I'll tell you what if I had one penny for every rejection I've suffered on dating sites (and in person) in the last few years, let's just say I'd be quite rich. Haha. You have to develop a thick skin.

[southernfinery]

`hi mooseuk ty for posting and ty for being direct.I remember having a tough skin awhile back for survival purposes and I don't want to retreat back to that mindset again.I don't want to get rejected all the time especially online and especially on a site that should be tailored made for people like me.I want to belong to a ssite that I can go on and say hi to folks and they say hi back and where polite conversation is the name of the game.I want to exchange recipes with others and ideas for outfits and for parties.I want to be able to carry on a polite conversation without one of us automatically assuming we are chatting for potential b/f's or g/f's.I am sorry you have had to deal with alot of rejection.I wanted to tell you that you remind me of phil collins in ur pic.

[whimsicalheart (deleted)]

`I suppose when it comes to rejection for me..yeah at first it does sting alittle, but I just use the tried and true method of dust myself off and try again lol

[southernfinery]

`ty whimsicalheart for ur post and gbu hun.I don't wish for anyone to feel the sting of rejection but if their able to do as u do then I think we may be able to survive.....btw I love the nic.it says alot about ur mindset about life.Tc of it and you pls.

[bigmandrew]

`I said it in another thread and don't mean to belabor the point, but what makes rejection sting I think is that it kinda means the other person doesn't think you're good enough for them. I said in the shyness thread that the fear of talking to a person your attracted to comes from not thinking your good enough. The reason we fear rejection and it stings is because in a way it's a confirmation of our fears. This is just my opinion mind you, but I think the solution is to decide that you're good enough for yourself no matter who likes you or not. But of course, that's easier said then done.

[southernfinery]

`I am sorry that you don't think your good enough to approach someone your attracted to bigmandrew?May I ask you what is it about the other person that makes you think so lowly of yourself?You see I don't understand how someone can think their not good enough for another human being.To me and mind you this is also just my opinion but when you don't think your good enough to approach another human being then you have surrendered your self-worth to that person and why would you do that especially be it someone you don't even know on a personal level.You are a creation of the almighty and he DON'T MAKE MISTAKES so your individuality is yours alone.Own it and show it,not with arrogance or a head full of pride but with humility and thankfulness and let it get settled in your heart that your worth knowing and worth being loved.May gbu...

[bigmandrew]

`It's not like a problem or anything for myself. I definitely do get a little nervous when I talk to a pretty girl still. I think everyone does a little.

[daydreamer86 (deleted)]

Rejection is gonna hurt. Even if you know that you're an awesome person it still sucks. You can think the up most of yourself but when someone rejects you, you still wonder why.

They should give classes on how to reject someone properly lol. We have all had it done to us and have done it to others but some just are worse than others.

To Southernfinery: You seem like a cool person so I doubt you'll be dealing with rejection for very long :)

[southernfinery]

`hi daydreamer86 and ty so much.I hope you don't have to deal with it much longer either.I hope ur still a member here as I thought it said former member under ur nic.In any case ty for posting and pls do so again.May gbu

[terrybogard23]

rejection still sucks,but i have been rejected so many times the sting is not as bad anymore.i just try to figure out why i got rejected.im a good guy,that could be the reason.LOL i repsect people much more when they give me a solid reason WHY they rejected me,instead of just leaving me hanging.