Does someones appearance really mean someone on a date?

[metalman69_PREV (deleted)]

This is my second topic and again I will state this is only my view point and I am no expert in this subject. When I go on dates I like to look my best to give a good impression and it gives me more confidence in myself at the time. Appearance to me is more than just your physical looks, it can be the way you dress, your personal hygene, how old you are, the way you walk and stand, the way you style your hair and nails and it shows the way you feel at the time. I'm sorry, but the world can be a very shallow place at times. I as well as many others in life will judge someone to a certain degree or another. I have been on dates where a woman will say to me looks mean nothing to me and when they meet me that does not seem to be the total case. Because of this I no longer believe someone that tells me looks mean nothing(unless they are blind or a total gold digger where money more than makes up for looks). On the other hand, people like to feel they are desired too. If I'm around someone and they don't seem to like the way I look in general I can sense it and will not stick around. Just because someone may not like my appearance or if I don't like someone elses appearance does not mean they are an ugly person. Everyone has their own views on what they find attractive. Point, I have been with women that I have found a little less desirable because sometimes their personality and outlook is so great you will overlook there appearance to a certain degree. Then again, I have met the most beautiful women on the outside and once I got to know them I did not find them attractive at that point. You do have to have the right personality to keep someones attention, but without the right appearance it is not likely that people will give you the time of the day. I know this because I get judge all the time. Does it bother me? No. I'm not out to be everyones friend and if I was I would never have time to myself. Enough said, appearance is not everything, but it does mean something.

Thank you for viewing this forum.

[jadedlady (deleted)]

Appearance is what people always notice first. Its human nature. But, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For me it isn't so much a persons physical beauty,or lack there of,that attracts my attention so much as the way they present themselves to the world. I mean the "most handsome" man in the world can't hold my attention if he is an arrogant ego-maniac. There has to be something in their nature, the way they treat the people around them, the way the move in their surroundings, for me to really take notice. I guess what I am trying to say is that everybody has an image of what they think is acceptable and what isn't to them and they notice these things about people first. It's not about the person they are seeing so much as it is about the "image" they have of what is or isn't acceptable. We all do it. It is a lucky few people who can look at everyone without any sort of judgement. I really don't think its possible because we condition ourselves to believe that this is attractive and that isn't. We are truly lucky if we are open minded enough to get to know someone beyond their looks, clothes, social status, ect..Most of the time we want approach someone that is not "acceptable" and that in a lot of instances is our loss. So, the best thing we can do is be true to ourselves, our style, our personality and hope that people take the time to get to know us. Also, sometimes when we feel that someone doesn't like us because of our appearance, our weight, clothes, ect...it is our own lack of self approval that makes us feel that way and not necessarily what the other person is thinking. If you are getting this feeling strongly you probably should just ask the person " is there a problem" and go from there. But, like you said this is just my opinion and in no way am I even remotely an expert on this subject.
BTW...this was a very good question and I would be very interested in seeing more opinions on this subject. Bye for now..Jaded

[naturalbeauty (deleted)]

has anyone been experiencing the same problems i have?

recently i got chatting to what i thought was a nice guy (not on the net) who asked me out but stood me up, if that was not bad enough and destroyed my confidence he then rings me up to go and spend the night with him.

why is it people do this, we have hearts that can get broken just like stick insects.

we are real people, with real emotions, and i for one wont be used just for s--.

[prplecat_PREV (deleted)]

Good for you! Some men WANT women, but they really don't LIKE women. It's all just a game to them, all about getting their own needs met, regardless of what they do to others. There's a word for that...amoral. Learn to smell 'em coming a mile off! They always carry the stench of other people's pain. Thank God the vast majority of men aren't like that, just a very visible minority.

[honee_PREV (deleted)]

naturalbeauty wrote: has anyone been experiencing the same problems i have?

recently i got chatting to what i thought was a nice guy (not on the net) who asked me out but stood me up, if that was not bad enough and destroyed my confidence he then rings me up to go and spend the night with him.

why is it people do this, we have hearts that can get broken just like stick insects.

we are real people, with real emotions, and i for one wont be used just for s--.
......well I'm going out on a limb here but...maybe your body language was contradictory to what your verbal language was...and also I know that you say you didn't meet the guy online,,,but.... do you always dress the way you are portrayed in your online profile picture?Men are very visual as you probbly already know,and perhaps he mistook the way you presented yourself as a "come on"(?)and if you are only looking for friends...why would you post such a sexy picture....methinks thou dost protest too much.... JMHO

Honee
Just your mean and nasty somewhat sarcastic and blind senior citizen!!

[(deleted)]

geez....that's almost like saying a woman should expect to get if she wear something sexy.

ignore the peanut gallery, naturalbeauty, dress sexy and just know there are a LOT of jerks out there.

[sthrndelight_PREV (deleted)]

naturalbeauty wrote: has anyone been experiencing the same problems i have?

recently i got chatting to what i thought was a nice guy (not on the net) who asked me out but stood me up, if that was not bad enough and destroyed my confidence he then rings me up to go and spend the night with him.

why is it people do this, we have hearts that can get broken just like stick insects.

we are real people, with real emotions, and i for one wont be used just for s--.

this is 1 i can surely relate too...i might hate myself for even telling you all this but here goes just so you know it happens to others too,like me....ok...a couple years ago i was chatting with this guy on msn and he seemed real nice and had a good personality and even looked good so here we are and after talking a few months,we decide to meet...he lived a couple hours from me so i went to him,which i wont do again but anyway...i even paid for the motel room and once i was there i called him and he met me there...we talked a while and things was going good or so i thought so 1 thing led to another and before it was over i had given him head and i got nothing from it except satisfaction i got him off which i guess any woman could have done but ok..after that he immediately said he was thirsty and since there was a drink machine in the lobby he asked me if i wanted a drink cause he was gonna go get one and i said no so he left to go get a drink...need i say what happened next??...the snake in the grass left me high and dry in the motel room that I paid for and got no S-- at all without even as much as a goodbye...now tell me girls...i can take this several ways but the way i took it was...i was either no good at head or i wasn't exactly the woman he felt attracted to...in any event...he got what he wanted and left like so many men do so thats why to this day,i do not pay and do not drive to see them...plus,,i talk a lot more and get to know even more before i meet...talk about a blow to my self-asteem,man...might as well shot me,i was left for dead anyway as i saw it....i drove home that night from the room,i didn't even stay...thought about everything and why i put myself out there like that to be treated as a piece of meat thats just there for the taking...it was a lesson well learned though...i'm better than that and wont settle ever again,no matter how h---- i get..i'll take care of myself first...

[katie86]

it doesnt really matter what size you are, if you let him a man will use you for s--.....next, i dont think anybody deserves to get regardless of what they wear but i do agree that if a woman posts a picture of herself wearing a bra a man is going to get the wrong idea and think she wants s--. And now, to the real point of this discussion, i dont think looks should be everything because there are a lot of people that look ugly but are extremely nice and there are a lot of people that look hott and are extremely mean, however looks are a big part of a relationship because you arent going to be with someone if you dont like the way they look...i have guy friends who are absolutely amazing in the personality department but i would never date them because i couldnt imagine waking up next to them.....i know it sounds mean but its true

[naturalbeauty (deleted)]

thanks for the replies guys, well i wouldnt call that a sexy picture thats just a normally daily picture, if you think thats sexy should see me when im dressed up.

well i think body image does say it all i recently lost 85lbs + got back with my ex, but hes know left because..... wait for this guys, he doesnt like me thin wants me to put all the weight back on and ive refused.

[alohaluvin (deleted)]

naturalbeauty wrote: has anyone been experiencing the same problems i have?

recently i got chatting to what i thought was a nice guy (not on the net) who asked me out but stood me up, if that was not bad enough and destroyed my confidence he then rings me up to go and spend the night with him.

why is it people do this, we have hearts that can get broken just like stick insects.

we are real people, with real emotions, and i for one wont be used just for s--.

I've had that or similar things happen to me. My younger naive days I didn't have rules, but now I do. I think people will treat you to what you let them, for most anyways. I don't equate alone with being lonely so I guess for people like me it's easy/easier with certain things. I have a rule which is if you stand me up once you don't get a second chance. I'm not cold hearted if it's someone I do know and know it's not a habit for them that's one thing, things happen. However, when your getting to know someone or start dating it means your interested so I think you should set forward and show you are and part of that is keep to plans and don't make plans if you don't know if you can keep to them or not.

[k1ss (deleted)]

.I've had similar experiences. They assume that bbw's are better in bed and in the kitchen. And that's it. We are amazing lovers. Emphasis on the "love" part we have big, giving hearts. We love hard.

[smile75]

.I like BBW I do

[bigbaine]

`I hate 2 tell yall but not all men are like that i am 20 years old and i have been treated like s--- to much 2 treat someone else that way i like to get to know someone not for S-- but as freinds i dont judge on race size or anything i belive love is what u make it and if u dont put in u dont get anything in return.

[binnyme]

`Wow. Quite a few responses, huh? Do men really think BBW's are better in bed? Cuz I don't get that impression. I sometimes get the impression that the perception is that we are passionless. That for some reason, our size directly affects our libido. Does anyone else get that?

[sheevaa]

`"Do men really think BBW's are better in bed"

An old "acquaintance" (certainly not anymore:P) of mine once told me he thinks BBW's are more passionate because we have to jump on the opportunity whenever we manage to get it. *eyeroll*
Obviously an idiot, I can see how much we are appreciated, even if society at large doesn't agree. S-- isn't really that hard to find if you really want it, and I hope the vast majority of us don't fit that stereotype.