Is Perfection Beauty?

[songstress85 (deleted)]

My best friend and I had a long chat today about beauty, and I have so many revelations and ideas on the matter that I just have to blog about it. My friend and I both know how it feels to meet someone online and then worry that they won't like our looks or personality (mainly looks though) in person. She has already met someone in person that she had met online. I have not, but may eventually. Even though my photos truly represent what I look like, I'm so afraid I'm not going to be good enough in person. Just so that it is said, if he is reading this he probably knows who I am talking about, but I am not writing this looking for approval or reassurance from anyone. I am writing it because the snowball got rolling in my mind and the realization of what beauty is is really fascinating. So I have to share my thoughts.

My friend told me something profound... "Perfection isn't beauty." Wow. So that got me thinking... What is perfection anyway? I mean who is to say what it is to be perfect? I know the majority of the media in the U.S. tells us that perfection for women is being very skinny and having flawless (airbrushed) skin. OK, I know there are people out there who are skinny, and that's all fine and dandy... if that's who you are naturally. But what about the women that come from a generally heavy family and struggle with weight. For them, it's not natural to be a size 2 or even a size 10, which I would love to be! lol.

So this is why I feel the need and want to be a size 10, because I live in a culture that constantly tells us that is what beauty is. Even a size 10 is considered plus-size in America????? Come on!!! Really? We in the U.S. don't praise all the different types of real women that exist. We only praise one type that exists (and even those women are edited and airbrushed in magazines.)

In some cultures, bigger women are considered more attractive. So maybe if I lived in one of those countries I wouldn't want to be a size frickin' 0 so bad! If you look at a lot of classical art, the women in the paintings are definitely not a size 0 by any means! I'm not saying it is good to be unhealthy, but, hey, being too skinny is unhealthy too. I do think people with weight problems, such as myself, should live healthy lives. But you have to remember, not everyone that is bigger has health problems. Some eat salads and fruits and exercise and still cannot be slim.

I guess my point is that beauty cannot have an absolute definition. Beauty is defined by what we, individually, find attractive. Perfection is being yourself and being the best self you can be, no matter what size/height/whatever. Be careful to not let the culture you are in define beauty for you. Define it for yourself!!!!!

I'll give you an example of what I find beautiful. We all know Michael Jackson had a lot of plastic surgery and he had vitiligo that took the pigment out of his skin. Some say that he turned into an ugly person physically. Not to me. Yes, he was very attractive physically before all the changes but what I've always seen is a compassionate, amazingly talented individual. That is beautiful to me. The way he danced... sexy as HELL!!! No matter what his face looked like, and I personally don't think his face looked all that bad anyway.

So, taking what I have learned about beauty, I am going to be as confident as I can and confidence makes you even more beautiful.

I will say it one more time just for emphasis... Define beauty for yourself!!!!!

*Songstress*

[andriek]

`I agree. One thing I have figured out is that perfection is and will always be unattainable. This culture doesn't make it easy to see that fact either. It is geared towards turning out identical plastic dolls (I don't want to be too obsene here but tried to think of slimiar concept). And the blueprints are force fed to everyone, within S-- appearal ads.

I for one wished that people could see that we are not all alike. That differences within groups makes them beautiful. If we are honest about who we are and what we look like then someone will come forward and like us for that. Atleast that is what I believe.

[southernfinery]

`imo every body form, for women especially,in the good old usa is some type of disorder.Let me give you some clues,the first on this so called chart of disorders is anorexia(extremely skinny after not eating)then bdd(no clue as to how you really look)so you could be fat,thin,short,tall,or even anorexic or bbw.Then you have bilemia(trying to obtain anorexia through eating and purging all stomach contents because it is the feeling of being light that you need),then you have bbw(big beautiful women but not to the medical field) and ssbbw(super size big beautiful women)---sidenote(this could and does also include the male population but I am female so I speak female fluidently and it is what I know)---notice I didn't include morbidly obese because in the medical field that starts at size 16 if I'm not mistaken.Imo these are the beginnings of more weight related issues with titles but these I recognize easily.Tell me what you see when you read this list of body identity titles?Is it us or the pharmacautical and fda administrations with the problem?On this body identifying chart where do you fit in and better yet where do your loved ones fit in?Is this kind of chart more like what your doctor goes by in identifying your body or is it a chart based on what the greeks drawed to represent there goddesses of love and fertility?

[cookinbubbles]

`You are right of course. I never thought of it like that.
my complaint about the medical field and thier ideas of healthy is that it is skewed and biased to support thier opinion.
Take a medical condition that EVERYONE associates with obesity. diabetes. if that were the case then, why are there thin people who also have diabetes? Why isn't there another reason even looked for. If a group of diabetics is chosen to study and 75% of them happen to be heavier than the remaining 25%, then of course, excess weight is the cause. Bull honky!!
I was part of a medical study on weight loss and I am a big woman. I mean a BIG woman! the nurse who took my vitals and measurements for the study noted that since I was as large as I was, I would feel sooo much better once my blood pressure came down and I probably had diabetes and thpose cholesterol levels would come down after just a few pounds lost, blah blah blah. Imagine her surprise when all the tests were in and I had normal blood sugar, normal blood pressure and EXCELLENT good and bad cholesteral test results. She didn't have a darn thing to say.
Okay, rant is over for another couple of months.
Glad to see an active forum discussion that is taking place over a matter of days rather than months!

[southernfinery]

`exactly my point cookinbubbles(makes me smile to say the nic so ty) it is a biased environment,our medical field I mean,and it is tied directly in with the fda who regulate our standard of food.I mean it is pretty simple when you think about it inthat if you are eating healthy then your feeling healthy and looking healthy(cosmetic surgery anyone).Anyone ever wonder why it is so much more affordable to get foods high in sugars and artificial everything? In order to keep us running to others to make us feel better about ourselves we must first be made to believe what we are isn't exceptable.In order to deplete our self-image they first make eating junk alot more affordable.Then due to all the artificial mess and all the sugars and other toxins our minds get sluggish as do our bodies so we feel like we look bad and we feel like we aren't pretty and we look for help which comes in the form of dr. feel good with all his wonder meds and boom the cycle is complete.Did anyone else notice how when the people started complaining about their kids being so fat that the fda regulated less sugar in cereals and more fiber?Ever wonder why the fiber wasn't in there from the beginning?How about the juices packed with sugar and no fiber or hardly any vitamins save one which is vitamin c.Why are the juices which are allowed to retain their own natural juices,meaning less sugar and more vitamins,so high in cost?Man I could go on and on but I think I might need to stop lol....gbu guys

[southernfinery]

`let me add one more thing.It is fiber that cleans us out and helps regulate our system and keep it running properly.Fiber is one of the biggest diet secrets out there.The Fda approved foods that were stripped of there natural fibers and nutrients.They passed the additives and processed stuff.The FDA also regulates the Pharmacautical companies.The pharmacuatical companies have to have demand for drugs that do certain things before they can put time and money into manufacturing the product.How better to affect the health of so many then by affecting their food supply?What we ned to do is demand more fiber enriched foods and less processed stuff.If it is our choice then can't we choose to say we want healthy for us and we demand that it be affordable.We demand that all these additives be taken out and all the chemicals.If we can't pronounce it then we don't want it and probably don't need it.If they try to tell you that the additives are necessary ask them why.Just don't settle for what they say,ask questions and demand answers.Your familys health is at stake here and so is yours.GBU

[heliosa (deleted)]

`Hi Songstress85,

Your post is very interesting and definitely something that I think most people can relate to even if they are not on a dating website. Generally in life, I think, one of our biggest fears is that of not being accepted. It then makes more sense to want to try to be "perfect" as the people we often see as accepted or popular seem to be those who appear to be more "perfect". However, the two main issues with this type of thinking is that first, as someone mentioned in an earlier post, perfection is not attainable, not possible. We, by nature, are imperfect being, the sooner we accept that fact and just do our best to be the best versions of ourselves, the better off we will be, as acceptance indeed is something that must originate from within. Which leads to my next point, the one of internal peace and acceptance, it was interesting to see you describe that feeling, i'm sure we've all felt once or twice in our lives, you feel fine and then it comes to that point of meeting someone and you go on pins and needles questioning everything and wondering if you are indeed as fine as you thought you were, which can often leave us in a dark and negative state of mind. However, the issue is that we base so much of how we feel about ourselves on how others feel about us. People need to redefine their value systems, or rather change the value that we place in other peoples opinions, attitudes and treatments of us. Remember nothing that other people do are because of you. The only thing we can and should control is what is happening inside our heads, we need to let go of negative self talk and embrace ourselves with love, positivity, empathy and most importantly compassion (we r sooo hard on ourselves)

All the best!