Falling into the "friend zone"...

[thisisme2at (deleted)]

mindolla wrote: `I do think online dating and relationships give the impression that there might be something better around the corner in the "unknown" Women and men are guilty of this but also and this does frustrate me because its very important to me to have a man with his own opinion and take charge..
Men are JUST really afraid of rejection and I know from some male friends I have, they pretty much lay back and let the woman chase them so they don't get shut down. Guys have just as many self esteem issues as women no matter what, even worse because at least a woman will get interest if its nothing else but a booty call.
If you REALLY think there is a chance for something real- go for it. Level with them and see.. if you havent met, hey maybe you can still be friends... but if its just wanted to be wanted , take the friendship and enjoy that.



I have a few disagreements with this, but I'm not saying this is all or even nearly false what this person wrote. I once read a statical scientific study that a woman on average knows within 5 second or less if they want to be initiment with a man or not(with the exception of women solely looking for a man to pays the bills or a gold digger). Why would any man looking for a relationship want to waste more than 5 minutes to find out what she knew in 5 seconds? Some men will waste 5 hours or 5 days(which isn't too bad), up to 5 weeks, 5 months or even 5 plus years to find that out(which is stupid on the man's part). Here another question, why the hell would people go on a dating website just to make friends? Aren't there better options for that like facebook, myspace or even tagged. I don't totally disagree with being friends, but if you're in the friends zone too long from my experiences and many other men I personally know you're not ever going beyond that point. Again this is why I personally believe friendship should be earned, not freely given out or a last resort to try and land the person you want. You only wants friends that's great, but please make that your known intention. If you want to date or have a relationship again please make your intentions known. I only ever ask that if someone contacts me and their profile says they want to date and my profile says I want to date please don't lie to me or lead me on if you're not interested and try and throw me in the friends zone. I'll look for those signs of disinterest and bail out ASAP like any real man should.

JMO and again this does not mean I'm right or wrong. No opinion is better or worse than the next.

[desertroseoftx (deleted)]

`In response to the previous post, although I agree with some of these points, just like in life we must agree to disagree on other points. For me personally I put all men that I initially meet in the "friend zone" from the very beginning. In what other way will you get to know each other, what works and what doesn't work, if you are always trying to impress each other instead of being real with each other. I too agree that it takes time, effort, trust, and consideration for the other person in order to form a lasting connection to that person. I don't agree that a women "knows" within 5 seconds if she want to be intimate with a man(can you say ho), I do agree that she will know within an acceptable time if she does want to get closer to him. I do agree that longer than 5 years is unnacceptable (never understood those couples that are "engaged" for longer than 2 yrs (again something wrong with that). It is only responsible that you do make your intentions known from the very beginning so there is no misconceptions to what you want and what he wants. If you can't establish trust from the very beginning then that will previal through the entire relationship, this is bad bad bad juju for a relationsip.

---To be capable of steady friendship or lasting love, are the two greatest proofs, not only of goodness of heart, but of strength of mind.

[thisisme2at (deleted)]

desertroseoftx wrote: `In response to the previous post, although I agree with some of these points, just like in life we must agree to disagree on other points. For me personally I put all men that I initially meet in the "friend zone" from the very beginning. In what other way will you get to know each other, what works and what doesn't work, if you are always trying to impress each other instead of being real with each other. I too agree that it takes time, effort, trust, and consideration for the other person in order to form a lasting connection to that person. I don't agree that a women "knows" within 5 seconds if she want to be intimate with a man(can you say ho), I do agree that she will know within an acceptable time if she does want to get closer to him. I do agree that longer than 5 years is unnacceptable (never understood those couples that are "engaged" for longer than 2 yrs (again something wrong with that). It is only responsible that you do make your intentions known from the very beginning so there is no misconceptions to what you want and what he wants. If you can't establish trust from the very beginning then that will previal through the entire relationship, this is bad bad bad juju for a relationsip.

---To be capable of steady friendship or lasting love, are the two greatest proofs, not only of goodness of heart, but of strength of mind.



Disagree all you want, first off that was a statistical scientific study, not a damn opinion, if you want the link I'd be more than glad to send it to you or anyone wanting to read that information. There are other factors involved too, the study taken was based on sole physical attraction, not personality, attitude and disposition. Easy way to put it, someone's appearance may get your attention, but who they are is what's going to keep you around. Just because a woman may like the way a man looks never means he couldn't mess up his chance later by the things he said, but again back to the study, if woman does not like what she sees with the exception of a woman looking for a man to pay the bills or a gold digger then she would not give him the time of the day in a Rolex convention. How do I know this? Try weighing 120lbs more and not having a body or face that can holds that weight worth a damn and not making at least a six figure income and see what women will even talk to you. In my case next to none. Now these days I can go to public places and have women chat with me, online probably not(too much bad boy written all over me and I don't look like provider material either lol). Second, what is inimancy? It can vary from person to person, it does not always mean s--. BTW, not to sound like the biggest a-hole in the world(which I'm more than glad to take that title anyday, beats being a wimpy nice guy), but this is something most men are afraid to admit but I'm not. Most men are out for S-- and if that's something you don't believe in, like or enjoy then you're going to have a heck of a time finding anyone, almost any man(but not all, there maybe be an exception out there somewhere) telling you otherwise is full of B.S. I'll end this on one note, what works for one person does not always work for the next, I personally am wary about befriending anyone too long and even if I did I'd keep my options open until the time came when it either worked or didn't. That's the biggest problem I see, a total lack of men that have enough of a backbone to admit what is true and what they really want and maybe this is why women are so turned off by these men, f##k being politically correct, I'm not a politician so I have no problem telling it straight up.

Listen to this link and learn how a man thinks. (removed)

[desertroseoftx (deleted)]

`Although I found your post highly entertaining, like I said before we can choose to agree to disagree. You are right one persons opinion of what constitutes intimacy varies from person to person depending on their own expectations. I never claimed to know what may or may not work in a relationship , because come on what the hell are we all doing in a place like this, as cliche as it sounds. And I respect your honest opinion, to each his own. But I must say this, it's not that women are turned off by men that have no backbone or men that may come off as too aggressive, it's that women have a choice and make that choice on not having to compromise what they want over someone else's lower expectations. I think that is the problem with trying to find someone through sites like this and then falling into the "friend zone", at any given time poeple could be having multiple correspondences with several poeple , sometimes makes it feel like there is no true connection. and it's worse to think that that person has one foot out the door waiting for the next best thing especially if there is a chance it doesn't work out with the current Miss or Mr. thing. That doesn't mean I don't want a man that can take me by the hand and shove me up against a wall and light me up from the inside... What that means is that I want a man that deserves to have me up against that wall...

[thisisme2at (deleted)]

desertroseoftx wrote: `Although I found your post highly entertaining, like I said before we can choose to agree to disagree. You are right one persons opinion of what constitutes intimacy varies from person to person depending on their own expectations. I never claimed to know what may or may not work in a relationship , because come on what the hell are we all doing in a place like this, as cliche as it sounds. And I respect your honest opinion, to each his own. But I must say this, it's not that women are turned off by men that have no backbone or men that may come off as too aggressive, it's that women have a choice and make that choice on not having to compromise what they want over someone else's lower expectations. I think that is the problem with trying to find someone through sites like this and then falling into the "friend zone", at any given time poeple could be having multiple correspondences with several poeple , sometimes makes it feel like there is no true connection. and it's worse to think that that person has one foot out the door waiting for the next best thing especially if there is a chance it doesn't work out with the current Miss or Mr. thing. That doesn't mean I don't want a man that can take me by the hand and shove me up against a wall and light me up from the inside... What that means is that I want a man that deserves to have me up against that wall...



You're correct, we can agree to disagree. I take no offence and have a great day .

[peacehopelove (deleted)]

flameofsuzaku wrote: `OMG I get this crap all the time. But for me the friend zone turns into the "lets not talk anymore" zone. I have gotten this everytime so far. What I hate the most is when someone says "oh no its not you I don't want to be with anyone right now" they are quick to change their mind if a hot skinny girl comes along and magically shows interest.


I get this ALL the time! It's starting to get to the point where I don't even wanna risk leaving the friendzone. I show a little interest and instead of these guys confronting their feelings they just disappear :/ it's a little aggravating. At least show me the respect and talk about it before taking off.