Why so serious big girls?

[deviousbritches]

[deleted]

[lrai (deleted)]

It's hard to know where I stand on this. Like someone else said was their situation, as is mine. I simply don't get approached in real life. That could be me, or where I am, or what-have-you, though.

Based on my very limited experience, my first thought is that a guy who approaches me is genuine and interested. But this is followed very quickly by a second thought of "ok...what's really going on here?". If he is genuinely nice and sweet towards me, then the second thought gets muffled very quickly. Unless, of course, I see a tell - such as glancing at his friends with a nod, or touching way too early in the conversation.

I'm sorry that men who actually are interested in a BBW are met with such poor treatment, though. Hopefully you can each find someone to truly love - and I doubt she'd insult you for the interest. :)

[dominantgirl (deleted)]

well try some big girl clubs google big girl clubs ( then your state beside) try it there because some girls plus size girls in public do put their guard up i dnt haha because im an approacher ahah if a guy or girl is cute i tell them or compliment them on what they are wearing. Also start by saying hey how are u doing i jst wanted to say your pretty something like that or let her catch u staring at her u know where both of u connect eyes and if she gives u a ugh look then u no not to approach but if she smiles then u walk over.lol

[brian010661]

southernfinery wrote: `serious about what?Are you speaking metaphorically or literally?If it's the latter then let me be the first to jump up and say"cause every skinning girl or almost everyone I see has no control over their mouths nor do some of the guys but I reckon you don't notice how us big girls have to be defensive to protect our hearts huh?I guess you only see two legs and a nice tush huh?You ever pay attention to how the people around the big girl are looking at her?Do you ever hear the comments like"oh my god she is so big"?Do you ever even try to help a lady out when she's being bombarded by negative,hurtful words aimed at demeaning her as a woman first and then as a person.Ok fine let's pretend we don't hear the comments or hear the giggling or see the stares.Oh and my fav. is how a couple will walk by and the woman will say something to the guy and he turns around to look at you and then he turns back to his female friend and they exchange words and both start laughing.You don't ever see this kind of behaviour do you?Oh I know how about the special occassion when this big girl is out with family and they sit down in a nice restarunt(spelling oops)and some man and woman come in with their kids and it is usually the woman that starts the rant by telling her husband to look at that girl and of course the kids hear and have to look also.Or how about when you are trying to watch a movie with a friend and you get comments behind you but they always make sure the comments are loud enough for you to hear and they are always always about how she has started a new diet and then for some unknown reason you hear giggling.So now you tell me after all this negativity being shoved down this girls throat does it make sense that she is a tad defensive or standoffish?



I myself find it funny how people both overweight, normal weight and underweight, can be so quick to judge others without ever getting to know them. Judging solely by appearance only, is that honestly fair?? hell no. Personally I weigh around 400 lbs I have at best average looks, I draw a disability check and to supplement my income I am a scrapper, basically meaning that I drive around town in my truck, seeing what things of value I can find in peoples trash. So you see a fat average looking man rummaging through trash, and what is your first thought?? "hasn't he eaten enough" or something along those lines. Now what you don't know is what you can't see, what is in my heart, what my true feelings are, the things that really matter.

[nightlilly]

Speaking from personal experience.....I'm a bit socially awkward and have grown more so over the years. Starting from high school when the negative comments are at their worst, I developed a sort of tunnel vision....I ignored everything around me while in the halls, etc and just focused on getting to where I was going. If I don't see it or hear it, then it's not happening. The problem with my "tunnel vision" is that it blocks out the good with the bad.

I never really learned how to recognize subtle flirting and the times that I do are so far and few between that I'm not always sure how to handle it. I have to almost be hit over the head with the flirting to notice a guys interest and those times are usually just guys wanting sex, which was fine when I was younger and not looking for anything serious. Now it just makes me uncomfortable.

So my "tunnel vision" combined with the fact that I have trouble with subtle flirting means a guy can't meet me out in a social scene somewhere. The best chance a guy has with showing his interest is to run a somewhat long term sneak attack...lol...keeping his interest completely non-sexual until he's under my guard then slowly start showing interest. Guess everyone can see why I'm still single!

[1957wkw]

nightlilly wrote: Speaking from personal experience.....I'm a bit socially awkward and have grown more so over the years. Starting from high school when the negative comments are at their worst, I developed a sort of tunnel vision....I ignored everything around me while in the halls, etc and just focused on getting to where I was going. If I don't see it or hear it, then it's not happening. The problem with my "tunnel vision" is that it blocks out the good with the bad.
--cut----


I can soooooo identify with that! Only for me it was because I was so small and no good at sports that I got teased all the time too. I also learned to just avoid everyone. Never even had a date or a GF until last year and probably never would if it hadn't have been for two of my cousins getting me on facebook and interested in women. It is difficult trying to meet anyone except online. I had to get bold and make up that crazy shirt of mine and start wearing it to wal-mart and a local park. It is starting to get noticed too! I have had a few nice dates, just never close enough to pursue. But I can be persistant too and don't intend to give up. I use several sites and FB and participate in the forums. If you keep at it you'll find someone too!

[sheevaa]

nightlilly wrote: Speaking from personal experience.....I'm a bit socially awkward and have grown more so over the years. Starting from high school when the negative comments are at their worst, I developed a sort of tunnel vision....I ignored everything around me while in the halls, etc and just focused on getting to where I was going. If I don't see it or hear it, then it's not happening. The problem with my "tunnel vision" is that it blocks out the good with the bad.

I never really learned how to recognize subtle flirting and the times that I do are so far and few between that I'm not always sure how to handle it. I have to almost be hit over the head with the flirting to notice a guys interest and those times are usually just guys wanting sex, which was fine when I was younger and not looking for anything serious. Now it just makes me uncomfortable.

So my "tunnel vision" combined with the fact that I have trouble with subtle flirting means a guy can't meet me out in a social scene somewhere. The best chance a guy has with showing his interest is to run a somewhat long term sneak attack...lol...keeping his interest completely non-sexual until he's under my guard then slowly start showing interest. Guess everyone can see why I'm still single!



You know, I never realised it, but I do this too. Block it all out to just get to where I need to go.
I never really know if a guy is actually flirting with me or just making conversation. It's hard because I have this thought that I know is absurd that it is impossible that anyone could actually find me attractive. Even though I know logically I have the "cute" thing going, I can never seem to drop that thought when I'm out and about.

Not entirely sure how to drop it, though. How the heck do you try to lower the wall that you've created for, well a good 20 years in my case?

[simonp12]

`Most are scared that men are just after their 'assets'.

This is an urban myth as not all men are perverts or closet S-- pests. However, because a small idiot minority wish to treat women like cheap meat, the male S-- gets slandered. Throw enough mud and it will stick, right?

On Yahoo Chat, for instance, nearly every female profile has IN BIG BOLD LETTERS:

'NO I WON'T CAM, NO YOU CAN'T SEE ME, I DON'T CARE BLAHDEBLAH!'

They put defences up and treat all men as would-be perverts.

Trust, however, is in short supply. Once somebody loses faith and trust in somebody or something, it is very easy to put a wall around you - you don't want to let anybody in, and as a result you shrink into yourself rather than take the chance of letting somebody break down the wall.

Life is a game of chance - it's a case of do you wish to spin the wheel?

[freshbouquet]

Dear Big Man, I would suggest that after an initial greeting, compliment her (not her clothes) how she looks in her clothes. Ie. I really like how ur jeans hug ur curves. Step a little closer 1st. Or compliment her on her eyes or something personal that is not determined by fat. Invite her for a coke or coffee right away, something in the immediate area. Tell her U like bigger women because u r bigger too. In a calm voice say, I noticed u and want to talk with u. And then start right in, don't wait for her to b defensive. I think with us it takes a little more patience and not some rude one-liner. Give 2-3 sentences. Introduce urself. Most people respond to decency, don't try to b a joker. Honestly tell her uve been working up ur guts to come talk with her. It is usually a matter that we've been mistreated and our self esteem. I used to have a 140# boyfriend and he would tell me he liked me ad how big I was. That helped me a lot, hearing it again and again

Freshbouquet

[sarahev]

`This thread is extremely old, but I have enjoyed reading it. I thought I might put my two cents in.
My experience with men who like larger women seem to be horrible man whores. They are usually only looking for s--. That or they want to keep the relationship on the down low. How is that going to help a women's self esteem? I don't think that I am something that needs to be hidden and stuffed in a closet hidden from view.
I also seem to suffer from the "pretty face syndrome". Since my young teens I have constantly been bombarded with comments like "She would be pretty, if she just lost the weight". or "Its such a waste". Its like I am considered less of a person because I am larger.
I am finally getting to that point where I am confident, and I do think I am beautiful person. But it was a long time coming. Sometimes it is hard. I still find myself skeptical when a guy approaches me. I find it hard to filter out the negativity at times. But I am getting better at it.

[sp2014 (deleted)]

`Well said Simon, honestly I think some people choose to believe the paranoia about 'bad guys.' No wonder the genuine guys get put off and think 'why bother, when I am only going to be pyscho- *nalyzed about everything?'

Until we can all be level-headed and honest, then I'm afraid the rules of the game aren't going to change.