The nice guy complex, don't get caught in it lol.

[theimfamouspuf (deleted)]

Recently I lost alot of weight and I started having women take interest in me, but at the same time I never noticed. I have my game plan of what to do when all this weight is gone to get what I want and being nice was never part of it. I was being nice to all women I encountered so they would not be interested in me and for the most part(this might sound hard to believe) it worked. The one thing I didn't count on was I had one women try and take advantage of me when I was nice. Being the person I am the minute I saw that I kicks her to the curb fast and will never deal with her again. The moral of the story is if you are nice you WILL get used sad to say. Fortunately she never got anything from me, but damn she tried lol.

[wynterwarmth (deleted)]

`I hope that's not true. I'm looking for someone as nice as me, & I won't try to take advantage of him. I've had that done to me & I don't feel that doing it to someone else is the way to go.
Congrats on losing the weight by the way. Hope everything works out for you.

[theimfamouspuf (deleted)]

wynterwarmth wrote: `I hope that's not true. I'm looking for someone as nice as me, & I won't try to take advantage of him. I've had that done to me & I don't feel that doing it to someone else is the way to go.
Congrats on losing the weight by the way. Hope everything works out for you.



I guess that can be determined sometimes by your surroundings and the area you live in. I don't usually live the most glamourous life and the people I'm around I wouldn't trust any further than I could throw them. Now perhaps if you deal with decent people in good surroundings then maybe you might have a chance of finding what you seek. But from what I've seen with quote "most of the men I know", if they where ever nice they would get used one way or another. I'm not saying it's a good thing at all and I guess it could go the other way around as well with women too. For some of you people that are skeptical of what I say please go on internet website called youtube and listen to some Tom Leykis 101 videos. This man described almost all my experiences perfectly. I really hope you find what you're looking for though.

[drumharry]

The 'nice guy complex' always raises a great deal of confusion in me.
I've experienced the same thing you have. Some people take compassions and politeness to be weakness.

But the key factor is, that's not an issue with you being nice. It's an issue with them being narcissistic enough to feel they can try to take advantage of other people.

If someone mugs you and knocks you to the ground. You don't claim that you're too much of a nice or gentle person. You place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the person who was selfish enough not to care about your wellbeing.

Likewise, if you're nice and polite to someone and they turn around and try to use that to their own advantage. Then it's not you that is at fault. It's them.
There's no 'nice guy complex' on your part. It's pure selfishness and
narcissism on their part.
For example, the woman you mentioned. She probably didn't specifically try to take advantage of you because you were nice. She probably tries to take advantage of people as a general rule. The fact that you were nice may have just made it a little easier.

In lieu of being nice, what do you feel would be a 'better' approach?
I honestly wouldn't want to be with any person I attracted using dating 'tricks', or negative compliments, or any of the pseudo-psychology bandied about by dating 'coaches'.

Sorry this was far too long!
But in summation, blaming yourself for other peoples faults when you're a nice honest person. Is ridiculous. Let those people shoulder the burden of their selfishness. Attribute a complex to those people, not to good people.
Society definitely doesn't need further encouragement for selfishness and dishonesty.

[nicki (deleted)]

`THere is an old saying that nice guys finish last, in my opinion that phrase was coined by a man because let me tell you as a woman i would much rather have a nice, friendly sweet guy then some macho jerk who will treat ya like dirt...i'm sorry you have had some bad experiences but please stay a nice guy you will find the right person who will appreciate it and not take advantage of it

[theimfamouspuf (deleted)]

nicki wrote: `THere is an old saying that nice guys finish last, in my opinion that phrase was coined by a man because let me tell you as a woman i would much rather have a nice, friendly sweet guy then some macho jerk who will treat ya like dirt...i'm sorry you have had some bad experiences but please stay a nice guy you will find the right person who will appreciate it and not take advantage of it


" please stay a nice guy you will find the right person who will appreciate it and not take advantage of it". Interesting line you wrote. That is the exact same line I heard from almost every women that didn't want to date me. Those same women would complain about how their man would treat them so badly and at the time me being a nice guy I was stupid enough to listen to that crap. I'd say something like "what about dating me?" and they'd be like "oh no, not you. you'll find someone someday, I'm in love with the other guy(the one they complained about)". I did not want to wait till hell froze over to find a woman. So at the moment I'm still improving my looks(because no women I know wants an ugly @ssh*le), just leaning more towards the @ssh*le direction and sad to say it works too. I'm not the type man that would ever beat a woman or verbally abuse them, I just know how to say the word "NO" now. Sometimes the hardest word in the world to say is the easiest one to spell. Maybe the one person was right, it's not about being nice, but more about not letting people take advantage of you and when you are too nice I feel you are prone to having that happen more often. I don't want to wait forever to find someone, so I chose to become what some people refer to as a middle ground. I'm not super nice nor am I cruelly mean, I just try to keep it interesting. Sometimes I will say yes, but now I know when to say "NO".

By the way, I don't blame others women for what happened to me at all. The old saying goes "do me wrong once shame on you, do me wrong twice shame on me". I should know better by now and I finally do.

[nicki (deleted)]

`It's unfortunate but I know you are right about the rotten guys getting girls...the women feel they need to try harder and change the man...well if you took a nice guy in the first place there would be no problems...i am sorry the women you have encountered don't see that but don't change who you really are, that's my motto for myself, if anyone's gonna like me they are gonna like the real me cause that's who they're getting lol...to thine own self be true

[xohethrr]

`It's so weird how us women work. Every girl says they want a nice guy, but rarely do we ever go for them. I could care less if you're a nice guy, or a "bad boy". Just as long as you treat me right, hell, I'll give ya a shot!

It seems like women like the "danger" a bad boy could bring. Which, I don't get. I mean, do you really want someone who causes chaos? I know I don't.

Regardless of whether you're male or female, being the nice person always (well, most of the time) causes you to get trampled on. It's like people love going for your weak points, & then smashing you down into the dirt. I don't get it.

I don't know about you guys, but I just want someone that can put a smile on my face. Plain & simple.

[vikingwolfie (deleted)]

`well im a nice guy till nice dont work then i can be a bad boy as you say i find that being a nice guy and a prick when i need to be works for me