self confidence

[raylady3]

okay so i know im young but i feel that being overweight i have no self confidence i used to weigh about 540 then i lost over 300 lbs and im at 260 still losing wieght yes but how does someone gain self confidence when they have never had any their entire life i mean its gotten soo bad to the point where i rarely look in the mirror because i know im just plain ugly so how does one gain self confidence and feel better about themself?? any comments will help

[sheevaa]

`First off, don't call yourself ugly. What I've noticed is that a lot of confidence comes from your inner monologue. When I look in the mirror, I focus on my assets. For me, I have plain ol' brown eyes that don't have a hot/sexy shape at all. I could look at yours and say "Oh, my eyes are so ugly compared to ray's ", that would get me no where, though.
So, I'll look in the mirror and give a cheeky smile, and notice how cute I can look sometimes.
Looking in the full length mirror? Instead of exclaiming "damn that's a BFA!", I shake it around and call it my badonk, hehe.

Also, ray, if you are losing weight, and want positive feedback and cheerleading, come to my board in the dieting section. We're not many, but supportive!!

Every person is worth-while and deserves friendship, happiness and love. Don't ever think you don't because you are big. If you don't get your confidence issues in check, you may continue to lose weight....but then you'll be a thin gal with self-confidence issues. They exist, believe me, I know lots :)

[ladyrusty]

`Your inner confidence will grow once you realize that you are a beautiful, living creature put on this earth for a purpose. If you have a pulse, you have a purpose. The fact that you lost that much weight speaks volumes, because you, and only you, have to be pleased with who and what you are. You may have possibly saved your life, and thus, there is a reason - you have much to give and offer the world, and eventually, a wonderful man who will realize it as much as I hope you do as well. Your outer beauty will only shine once you learn how to glow from your own heart light within.

All the best.

[xtiemywristsx]

I know at times it can be hard, I too stayed away from the mirror at times. It's not a healthy practice, it won't make you feel any better about yourself this way. Your appearance does play a role, but it's certainly not everything.
Take the time to think about the things you do well, things you're proud of (such as your weight loss!) That alone is something you should feel very accomplished about. I can't keep up with a diet long enough to lose 10 lbs at times, let alone 300! It takes a very determined and patient person to do this. It can also help to take some time in the mirror, what do you want people to notice? Your big brown eyes, a great smile, nice cleavage? Take the time on yourself, get your hair done or pluck your eyebrows. Go shopping for a cute pair of panties (this always works for me), although no one else can see- you'll know you're wearing something sexy, ..you can be sexy. Get comfortable with what looks good on you, and flatters your body. If you make an honest effort to feel good & look good, people will notice. I'd suggest sticking to sites like this to get support and finding men who'll appreciate your body just the way it is! Good luck to you, I know you'll do just fine!

Steph ( :

[heatherina]

I have days where I look in a full length mirror and just very quickly avert my eyes. Kinda one of those "if I can't see it maybe it's not real" type things. Then other days where I'll stop and turn from one side to the other and just nod and think, "Okay, so maybe it's not that bad/Okay, I can see it." Self confidence is hard to achieve and it's not something that just plus sized people struggle with (I know SEVERAL gorgeous skinny minnies who insist that they look just so horrible).
When I eat healthy that day I tend to feel better about how I look on the outside.
The sexy panties (Power Panties in my book) are actually a huge confidence booster. It's like you've got a secret that you're the only one privy to. I find that between the PP's and the high heels that I tend to love, my confidence raises a few notches.

[xbubblyx]

raylady3 wrote: okay so i know im young but i feel that being overweight i have no self confidence i used to weigh about 540 then i lost over 300 lbs and im at 260 still losing wieght yes but how does someone gain self confidence when they have never had any their entire life i mean its gotten soo bad to the point where i rarely look in the mirror because i know im just plain ugly so how does one gain self confidence and feel better about themself?? any comments will help


If your default picture is really you, then you are not ugly at ALL. And I used to be 260, but I lost thirty pounds. But congratulations on losing all that weight! That alone would send my self confidence through the roof. But I do understand what it's like to have a major lack of confidence. But in my opinion, in order to gain confindence, you first have to accept yourself. If you believe you have nothing to offer people, you'll feel bad about yourself.

To yourself, ask yourself what YOU like about yourself. Not just physically. Are you good at making people laugh? Are you creative? Do you sing really well? Are you a great cook?

Go over your accomplishments, which you've already stated one to be very proud of yourself over. Examples: Did you get a promotion at work? (in this case, obviously your employer sees great potential in you.) Have you aced a test that you thought would be difficult or that was difficult for others? Did you save up enough money to buy yourself something nice, or save quite a bit? And then see why the accomplishments mean so much to you.

Once you realize there's more to offer people other than your outer appearance, you'll feel even better, and everyone has something to offer. Then go over what you like about your looks. And don't think to yourself, "I like this part of my body...but I don't think others do..." simply think to yourself, "I love my lips! And I love my eyes! etc."

Then, think of all the people you have a relationship with and ask them what your good qualites are (and don't wave them away. Consider their things they like for a moment.)

Next, think like this; "I'm not put on this Earth to please other people. I am who I am. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, or what I look like, they're not worth being in my life, therefore I don't care."

Everything above is what I do and how I think about myself. I'm a creative writer, I do make up really well, I'm not lazy, I have strong, beautiful legs, and I always crack people up" Pretty much, it's like convincing yourself why you should date yourself, kind of. And when I meet new people, I still want to impress and I wonder how they think, but I believe that I'm a wonderful person, who is pretty. Even if they don't think so, it's up to them.

Hopefully I help and made a little bit of sense. And it does take time for it to sink in just how great you really are when you don't see it.

[lookinforlove93 (deleted)]

`Up until this past year, I was EXACTLY the same way. I would take a good picture or two (apparently i'm really photogenic. Who knew?) and people would tell me how beautiful I was and I was just like "Are we looking at the same person?" Then I met a guy who turned it all around for me. He probably doesn't even realize that he did. He was a good looking guy that was like 3 times smaller than me! But somehow, him just being with me gave me confidence. I saw other girls look at us together and whisper. He would tell me they're just jealous of me. Oddly enough, that relationship helped me love myself. I actually started wearing shorts! I hate shorts! Now i'm just a lot more self-assured and I love me for me. You just need to listen when people tell you you're beautiful. Especially strangers. What reason do they have for lying to you? If they didn't think you were beautiful, wouldn't they just keep their mouths shut and not post here? I think you're definitely gorgeous! You've got an amazing smile! When people compliment you, start looking at yourself to see why they said that. Your smile..focus on that. Convince yourself it really is amazing because you had to convince yourself it wasn't all these years. I hope this helps..I kind of feel as if I rambled too much! Feel free to stop by my page and send me a message anytime :)