In a relationship, can't be happy...

[osodelicious]

This sounds so stupid, but I'm just posting this to find out if I'm alone on this one or not. I am Married, I have been married for 3yrs but have been with him for 8 yrs. I went from chunky to Fat..ugh. So anyways, he tells me all the time how he loves me and am beautiful and we have a good S-- life, but Somehow I keep getting in my own way?!?!!! Like I can't believe him when he tells me I'm sexy or how hot I am. I feel like he just says that to make me be happy and I think he really like slimmer girls(in my head). He likes chunky girls..lol He says he likes fat girls too But for some reason in my head I don't really think there is Men out there who Actually really want a fat..or very fat girl?!?!


BBW in Hawaii

[phonomenalwoman (deleted)]

You are not alone in this thnking. Based on the post that I have read on these forums and the opinions expressed by some of my friends, I thnk that too many of us think that it is not possible for a man to find us beautiful because we are fat. I know in the past I have found it hard to believe when a man tells me that I am sexy or beautiful. In fact, I have probably run off a few good men because I could not accept their complments at face value.................As compliments not a way to get something out of you or to keep you where they want you. I was set straight by a guy friend of mine though. He told me that no man wants his compliments that he pays to a woman thrown back in his face time and time again and that he definitely does not like it when he constantly has to reassure a woman that she is the one that he choses to be with.

You husband married you because of who you are in the inside, not the outside. If you were ugly on the inside, do you think that he would have ever married you even if you were skinny? If he gained a lot of weight, would you love him any less or would you see past his weight gain and see that the man is still the same man that you fell in love with and married?

I ran across this poem the other day that fits just perfectly here

The beauty of a woman
Is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries,
Or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman
Must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman
Is not a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman
Is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring she lovingly gives,
The Passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman with passing years –
only grows and grows

Poetry by Ardem


There are some truly amazing men out there that do find us attractive and it sounds like you are married to one of them. I only hope that when the man that God has made for me comes along, I dont blow it because I cannot see past my own insecurities about my body and not let him tell me how I look through his eyes. I am getting better at taking compliments from men and you know what! I have found that it actually helps my self-image by gracipusly accepting those compliments.

[tearle1957 (deleted)]

I was married for 32 years. Like all women I slowly gained weight over the years having kids and getting older. I was sure of my husbands love and our S-- life was great even though I had gained weight. He started making noises about my weight and his concern for my health at about 28 years. By 30 years he had left me for another, skinnier woman. I had no self esteem and to make matters worse he told me when he left that I wasn't worth it and never had been. Who was this man? He sure wasn't the one I had lived with all these years. He was a stranger.

A couple months after we seperated I met a man 10 years my junior. He was actually attracted to me! When I asked him if he was playing games with me, he told me that he liked women who were larger. Until then I didn't think there were any such men on this earth. He taught me not to be ashamed of my body or my s----lity. He showed me that some men think a larger woman who dresses in sexy outfits are hot.

Be proud of who you are and what God gave you. There are men out there that know we are soft, voluptuous loving creatures that need to be loved and cherished. And the smart ones know how much we have to give in return!

[lexlovespizza (deleted)]

`I feel the same way. This is why I am never going to get married and have kids. I feel like my husband would cheat on my because I am fat. So unless I ever actually loose weight and keep it off I am going to be all by myself. I think that guys don't really like fat woman they just think they are better to ----. So I don't know but I wish you the best of luck!

[cookinbubbles]

`anyone, man or woman who "falls out of love" with their mate because of a weight change is an idiot.
Think for a minute. This same person would probably also fall out of love with that mate if they were injured or developed an incurable disease too. Who wants a jerk like that??
Marriage is for better or for worse and that means fat or thin, full head of hair or bald, healthy or sick.
You ladies have to keep in mind that when a marriage fails, it is waaaay more involved than someone getting a big butt. Weight gain or size is a handy excuse and that is all it is.

Go to the mall some afternoon and do some people watching. There will be couples of every size, shape and health condition available to watch and most will be holding hands, giggling, talking, clearly intimate. Marriage and being a large person is possible. In fact it happens more often than you think.
I have 3 daughters, all big. One is single because she is picky and getting old enough now to regret that.
2 are married, very happily, with children and great husbands.
I was married for 32 years to a man who called me his sexy old bag until the day he died.
I am telling you that size doesn't mean jack s---.
Yes it is hard to find a good mate.
But look at ALL the dating sites full of skinny people who somehow seem just as lonesome as us larger people.
It is hard to find a mate no matter what you look like.
i think people, as a whole have gotten more shallow.
More men are looking to have "intimate encounters" without investing anything more than their -----.
Women are looking for that "special handsome man" and skipping over a lot of nice regular guys.
The whole dating thing, in my opinion, is much much more than a size issue.
Whooooheee,
Boy did I just vent.....

[southernfinery]

`oh my goodness cookinbubbles,me thinks this is a source of soreness for the lady.I know alot more folks on here should show some passion in these forums instead of sitting back hoping for someone to notice them before their able to put a foot in their mouth like I do every so often(it's rare but it happens lol).I agree that some are looking for eye candy and arm candy and when either of these traits loses velocity then the gig is up and it's time to move on.I feel extremely sorry for these victims of physical"love" but inside my heart I believe that these victims saw and heard signs in the beginning that showed the others true nature but they chose to overlook it for whatever reason.Maybe they were going to marry into a lifestyle they thought they should have and probably figured that they could maintain the outward appeal.We all know,however,that time waits for no man or woman.It,time,marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching right across your face as well as everywhere else.Some may very well believe they can get the other to love them no matter what but you can't get a leopard to change it's spots so that proves futile.I feel sorry for them but in the words of the dominant Ivana Trump"don't get mad,GET EVERYTHING!I will add this and that is that if you believe your mate is only into you because of your looks then you get busy getting in writting a means for your survival if or when this mate loses interests in you.Also do not sign a pre-nuptual without carefully wording how you will be taken care of if the marriage dissolves for WHATEVER reason be it by stocks and bonds or a savings account started the day you say"I do" and can only be assessed by you---footnote---make sure that you change banks and account numbers IMMEDIATELY after it is opened,put the info for it in a lock box in a different bank.You may think this is excessive but you and I both know how quickly assessts are frozen because a spouse wants out and doesn't want you to have anything.---we all deserve to find love and we all know that there is one special one that is set aside for us,it's just that sometimes you get kissed by some pretty ugly toads before you find your prince or princess.gbu all