Shyness

[solitaryangel]

Everyone is right when they say you should just be who you are, there's really no point in needless change. But if it's something you think you really need to get over, just remember shyness is a state of mind. I'm hideously shy, but when I say that to people nobody ever believes me! I recently saw an old friend who I hadn't seen since high school, and she was going 'Wow what happened, you're so confident in yourself now!' The thing is I've been trying my hardest to mask my shyness for so many years that it now comes naturally ... I can act as confident as the next person, even while I'm squirming inside. Start small - walk tall with your shoulders back and your chin up. Smile and laugh. Be friendly to everyone - I find it helps to practice with everyone you interact with. After a while it becomes easier and you'll be able to keep building on your confidence :wink:

[mooninstitches (deleted)]

I struggle with being shy on a daily basis. I tend to be blunt because of it, its easier to just say whats on my mind and get it over with. Im often misread because of it, and usually people dont pick up on my shyness.

[andriek]

In person I am very shy, I pretty much can't talk to anyone new. I once tried with this girl I had a crush on at the time and my voice literally disapeared. I couldn't talk (thank god she wasn't looking at me). I haven't really gotten over that. However what is contradictary is that through typed words I atleast can talk like I wasn't super shy. I am not sure why.

[wachubbyluvr (deleted)]

I am very shy and I do not deal, which is why I'm lonely. i wish i could help you, but I am lost myself. Sorry.

[whimsicalheart (deleted)]

`I think when it comes to maybe something like conversing with someone like a boss or maybe public speaking..sometimes I'm shy, and I remember when I was younger I used to be so shy I couldn't even go out anywhere without getting anxiety..but I overcomed it by actually putting myself out there and sometimes even doing this type of persona like "give something for them to talk about" like I would go out with ties and headbands with knee socks and bright colorful skirts and just go to a regular place like Walmart or something and it's like you step out of that comfort zone and you let people look at you and you let people strike up a convo..lol I know this sounds weird actually but it works..if you're willing to try it because you're kinda conquering your fear you know? You can also maybe sign up for a local talent show or maybe even if you go to chuch try joining a choir or even joining something with alot of people that way you can feel comfortable around them because their doing the same thing as you, maybe even meet new friends!
Anywho this is just a few of my ideas hope they work my friend :)

[jjmcclure (deleted)]

I have spoken in front of groups of a thousand people, the board of directors for a Fortune 100 company and have trained more than five thousand people in my career. Yet when it came to talking to women I was useless, I never really thought about it until a friend who sat through several of my classes pointed this out one evening. I had never given it much thought because I had only recently gotten out of a very long relationship and it was not a priority. I was unable to give him a reason and after thinking about this for quite a while I came to an answer. Women can and have been very mean and cruel to me in the past and although I was very confident about my professional skills I had negative self confidence when it came to approaching women. When I was approaching a woman all of that past was in the front of my mind and I was not just approaching her I was reliving every bad experience which undermined any self confidence I had. It took me a long time to get around this problem and I still find myself occasionally feeling awkward or anxious when meeting someone but mostly I am comfortable and confident and it shows. It has paid off quite well for me, not that I get rejected any less but I just don't care when it happens. The key for me is understanding not everyone is going to be attracted to me and when they are not it is by no means a judgment of me. I'm still me whether someone wants to date me or not.

If you are shy don't sweat it, its a big world and someone will find it an attractive quality. I changed not because I was worried about what other thought of my shyness but because I did not find it an attractive quality in myself.

Happy hunting

[bigmandrew]

`Someone once told me that it's hard to talk to the opposite --- not because you're afraid to be rejected, but because you don't think you're good enough for them. I don't know if there's tons of truth to that, but that's why getting the cold shoulder hurts I think. It's basically their way of telling you you're not good enough for them and no one wants to hear that.

[89shifty (deleted)]

Agh, I know it's painfully late to reply to this thread, but here goes...

I used to be shy as well, back in middle school, I changed dramatically during my High School years though.

You don't have to be crazy to post after me, but it helps!

[brittanyyyerin (deleted)]

I'm so shy, I can't even stand it. I've tried to overcome it. I'm impossible! lol

[nataliemuse]

bigmandrew wrote: `Someone once told me that it's hard to talk to the opposite --- not because you're afraid to be rejected, but because you don't think you're good enough for them. I don't know if there's tons of truth to that, but that's why getting the cold shoulder hurts I think. It's basically their way of telling you you're not good enough for them and no one wants to hear that.



Ouch! This seems logical to me...and that sucks lol

[cookinbubbles]

`feeling "not good enough" hits the nail right on the head.
I was like that and still am up to a point.
Back when I was a teenager(about a million years ago) I read an article in some young girls magazine about shyness that really helped me. The short version is when you force yourself to talk to someone, you have nothing to lose. If you don't talk to them (male of female), nothing happens. if you DO talk to them and still nothing happens, you neither lost nor gained anything so whats the worry?
In the event that the response you get is negative or nasty, smile and walk away. Again, you lost nothing and gained nothing.
In the event you gain a new friend or just chatted up the love of your life, after that its all good.
I took that to heart and for me it worked. So many times, I had to rehearse what I was going to say before saying it and most of the time, all went well. I cannot recall any time where things did not go well although many times, nothing happened, good or bad.
Before a situation, ask yourself, whats the worst that could happen? then, if that does happen, you are prepared. Mostly, you will be surprised at how well things do work out when you force yourself to join in, or speak up.

[aboardwalkgypsy (deleted)]

I am kind of shy at first. At least when meeting someone from online and maybe a first date. Shy meeting someone from online because you might totally click in convo and ya, you send em a picture or two but your like, I don't think this shows you what I am like. The worst thing would be an "oh, wow you looked different in ur photos" reaction, you know? In person I am shy the first time we hang out only because I don't know how much of my true self I can show. People say, just be confident! That kills me because I am, yet in the normal day to day world we are judged all the time. Hard to turn that off. But... if we hang and there IS a click right away, I switch on and am totally confident, not shy and myself.

[1957wkw]

`This is all very interesting reading. Definitely applies to me also. I was always the little scrawny guy in school and got teased a lot, so I avoided everyone. That kind of affected me most of my life. I'm 52 now and never even had a girlfriend (or even knew how to go about meeting anyone). But in 2008 things started to change. I had one cousin get me on facebook and I started to enjoy connecting with old classmates. Then I had another female cousin who went thru a nasty divorce start chatting with me on AOL all last summer because she was so lonely. I really enjoyed the personal chats and getting her to laugh when she was down. All that ended when she met another guy. All the sudden I was the one needing someone to talk to so I started checking out dating sites ( never thought I would do that ) and actually got pretty good at messaging women. Already met two in person and did not have a problem at all talking after online chatting first. I really surprised myself. I really hit it off with the last one, but now she is the one too scared to get close because of bad things in her past. I never found tall or skinny types attractive, and could never handle kids, so I am on here now looking. Hoping to find one without kids and not wanting any. (Preferably never married like me).

[lovebringer]

`I'm super shy when I first meet a person. It's always difficult those first ten to fifteen minutes. Of course... seeing as how I am too shy to really meet anyone . ... Online it's much easier you always feel more confident than being directly in front of the person.

[rx420 (deleted)]

I'm shy and socially awkward with an extreme case of foot in mouth disease. I don't have much advice, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone