Why so serious big girls?

[bigmandrew]

I've recently been running into a very interesting issue in my dating life. When I see a pretty BBW while I'm out and I get up the guts to approach her, but I immediately get this attitude from them as if I'm doing something wrong. It's like the ice refuses to break. Perhaps all the girls I've met recently have been the Mama hen type, but what's funny is I rarely get this reaction from smaller girls. It's like the smaller girls are being nicer to me. And it's frustrating because I don't really prefer them. So maybe some of you can shed some light. BBW's, why so serious?

Andrew

[southernfinery]

`serious about what?Are you speaking metaphorically or literally?If it's the latter then let me be the first to jump up and say"cause every skinning girl or almost everyone I see has no control over their mouths nor do some of the guys but I reckon you don't notice how us big girls have to be defensive to protect our hearts huh?I guess you only see two legs and a nice tush huh?You ever pay attention to how the people around the big girl are looking at her?Do you ever hear the comments like"oh my god she is so big"?Do you ever even try to help a lady out when she's being bombarded by negative,hurtful words aimed at demeaning her as a woman first and then as a person.Ok fine let's pretend we don't hear the comments or hear the giggling or see the stares.Oh and my fav. is how a couple will walk by and the woman will say something to the guy and he turns around to look at you and then he turns back to his female friend and they exchange words and both start laughing.You don't ever see this kind of behaviour do you?Oh I know how about the special occassion when this big girl is out with family and they sit down in a nice restarunt(spelling oops)and some man and woman come in with their kids and it is usually the woman that starts the rant by telling her husband to look at that girl and of course the kids hear and have to look also.Or how about when you are trying to watch a movie with a friend and you get comments behind you but they always make sure the comments are loud enough for you to hear and they are always always about how she has started a new diet and then for some unknown reason you hear giggling.So now you tell me after all this negativity being shoved down this girls throat does it make sense that she is a tad defensive or standoffish?

[yourbeautiful (deleted)]

`lol i think the way you reacted might be exactly what hes talking about. I can see both sides of the issue.
I cant really say that its anyones fault, but it is definetly a problem. Us bigger girls are often standoffish with men, i think its because we tend to expect the worst. I know that if a guy approached me my first reaction would be that he was trying to make fun of me, or that it was a joke. But i know thats not fair because there are plenty of nice guys out there.
But then again its not entirely our fault either, its just a reality we face in our day to day lives as the woman before me stated. But being defensive...though its a natural reaction....is not going to help anyone.
its Society itself that needs to change. by empowering our young woman and teaching them that every body type is beautiful we can overcome the problems that we face.
However Andrew I think your best bet if you are more attracted to bigger women would be to give them a smile and be reassuring, the extra effort that you give in proving that you are interested and not just teasing or making fun will make her respect you and open up more. hope that was helpful

[southernfinery]

`yes i guess i did play the role correctly but it is only from sincere heartfelt sadness for the younger ladys coming up that will think they have to be easy to get boyfriends or just to get attention of a positive nature or what they think is positive.I really don't understand how a big guy can say something like that I mean does he never hear any negative words thrown at him?How is that possible to be big in todays society and not receive any negative feedback?Does he live in a plastic bubble?Most girls that are on the heavy side had the negativity thrown at them from family members first then schoolmates and teachers.Thats right I said teachers for example I know ya remember p.e that is physical education grrrrrrrr.I was somewhat athletic but no I had to have that non-hair growing mouth with way to short shorts on critiquing my inperfections out in front of the whole class especially when we had to try on the p.e suits.Yes it was a stretch romper with a zipper in back and no sleeves and it had stripes on it ok can anyone else say ewwwwww?Ok sorry I got a little sidetracked but I mean doesn't someone who goes out in public pay attention to public behavior or do they have those kind of shades on that make you have tunnel vision?I have to ask how is he suppose to show sincerety for the plight of the big girl when he doesn't ever see how the big girl is really treated?If I didn't know better I would almost be forced to think that this guy put this post in this forum to pick at big girls.

[bigmandrew]

`You've vastly misunderstood me. But you may have il----rated a very important point. I am a big guy. I'm far from skinny, but I'm really tall so I don't know that I get the negativity so much. I also don't particularly care if someone has a problem with my weight. It's none of their business. High school sucked because everyone was super critical, but I've found in the "real world" I've not been faced with that much. I also think that people who judge others based on their waist line are bad people in general and I have no interest in meeting them or what their opinions of me are.

I guess maybe women get it more. For whatever reason looks seem to be so much more emphasized with women. You have indeed captured the attitude I seem to get from a lot of the girls I meet. They immediately put their guard up even though I'm just trying to be friendly and start a conversation. I always expect whenever I get the nerve up to actually talk to a girl in public that there's a chance she won't like me and she could be mean to me, but lately it's been really weird. Cause when I talk to a bigger girl she seems to really be defensive. It must be for all the reasons you've stated.

So here's the question, if walking up and introducing myself won't work because she'll think I'm screwing with her, what's the right way to go about it? How would you be most comfortable being approached by a gentleman?

Andrew

[jerry57 (deleted)]

advertising vs. reality-truth in advertising . my other screen name was truckerjerry and i made a few very choice posts that would help you , problem is i cant find them so just check that one out

[jerry57 (deleted)]

`its like this . alot of large women are just like southern finery.
and as you have no dbout niticed they tend to be the problem.
those are the ones you have been running into!
you need to meet someone like yourbeautiful.
the reason that you have been having problems is because they are miserable with themselves and cant comprehend that a guy just like you or i want more than anything to love THEM just as they are !

[southernfinery]

`oh you sure put me in my place jerry but I wonder do you know what your place is?Bigandrew you can listen to whoever you choose to but if I were you well nevermind it simply isn't worth it to say that that up there is exactly the kind of negativity that is thrown at bbws and the really sad thing is is that these kind of men actually think they know what their talking about.In reality all their trying to do is pick up chicks,any chick but as I stated before it isn't worth the effort so gbu andrew and ty for the post

[dwilliams1016]

`I want to say that i think it may be the area, because where i am from al of the big girls are fun and cool. Thing is, i live in north Jersey and i guess we like to have fun and entertain with our vberant personalities. Southernfinery you did go off on him lol but i uderstand what you are saying. But yea Bigmandrew maybe it's the area or the people you have meet are not used to meeting someone that they are interested in so they have a defense sheild like miss sutherfinery(i do not mean to disrespect you by calling you miss)said.

[goodnightgirl]

`I think the problem is that us bigger gals get a lot of negative attention, which includes in my experience guys wolf-whistling or asking us out and stuff as a 'joke'. The genuine approaches are sadly much rarer, and I know that personally I just assume the worst and am perhaps a little guarded or defensive. It's not that I don't want to be approached, but I know that if a nice guy approached me and asked me out I would be waiting for the punchline. :-(

[sheevaa]

`I agree with the rest of the gals. I immediately think the guy is poking fun at me. I guess we never truly lose that "high school" mentality, fully.

Southern, I don't think Andy is trying to make fun of us. I don't get that vibe from him, hehe. If anyone would pick it up, it would be me, lol.

My suggestion is not to lay it on thick. Be sincere, but not condescending. I mean, at all. We pick it up in a heartbeat, and you'll get nothing but a glare and a look at our backsides:P Other than that, well, not everyone is going to be into you, either. Even big gals have their preferences for men as well:)

Happy Hunting!!

[bunnyxboiler]

i can only speak for myself and from my experiences but im certainly not defensive towards men or in any other way...i will when out talk to anyone anywhere , im big but im confident and happy with who and what i am .also i can honestly say when out or anywhere else i have never been on the recieving end of negative comments., maybe this is because i am confident in my own skin? and that shows? some larger women are not enitrely happy with themselves ( and yes its not just big women that arent) which can show in the demener and the way they hold themselves and other people can pick up on this very quickly and some unfortunately will make comments because its easy to, maybe when he approaches larger women he has been unlucky enough to approach those who arent confident in themselves and to be blunt think he must be having a joke when he tries chatting to them or chatting them up because they dont see themselves as desirable?

[bigmandrew]

`I should point out I live in Philadelphia. This is a rough town. People are pretty rude and quick to point out any flaw. I will say though, since I posted this I haven't noticed a single case where a big girl has gone on the defense. I'm not like a weirdo approaching tons of girls day and night, but I've been out to the bars maybe 5 or 6 times since I posted and got alot of positive reactions. I think I may have just had some bad luck there.

[cookinbubbles]

`I'm with bunnyxboiler on this one. i don't think I have had any rude ment talk to me. I have overheard nasty comments on occasion but I also do not let that stop me. I just plain don't give a s--- what other people think of me. I am a happy, kind of crazy person and will talk to a post. I am not shy about speaking to a stranger either and when a guy does approach me, I give them the 200 watt smile and just go with it and see where it takes me.
I figure if someones doesn't like me, looks or personality, thats thier problem, not mine.
You are a good lookin fella,Andrew and if someone isn't receptive to your approach, to hell with 'im. There are friendlier fish in the sea. Life is too short to settle.

[fatcollegegirl]

goodnightgirl wrote: `I think the problem is that us bigger gals get a lot of negative attention, which includes in my experience guys wolf-whistling or asking us out and stuff as a 'joke'. The genuine approaches are sadly much rarer, and I know that personally I just assume the worst and am perhaps a little guarded or defensive. It's not that I don't want to be approached, but I know that if a nice guy approached me and asked me out I would be waiting for the punchline.



I completely agree with her response. I've been asked a few times, and I'll admit I was rude in my replies. To this day, I still have no idea if they were poking fun of me or were sincere, although I'm inclined to think it was the former. It's much easier to think the guy is being an --- and to be rude in reply than to act flattered (which is what I would be should he be serious) just to feel like a complete moron when I find out it was a joke.