Baked Beans

[phonomenalwoman (deleted)]

I got this one in an email a while back so I am sure that everyone has seen it already! But it was too good not to share!



Baked beans
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand..
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner
tonight!"
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I
took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and
fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was
worse than cooked cabbage!!!
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other
room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times
with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it
feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[brwnsweetness]

`that was cute!

[chachkimooch (deleted)]

`That was wonderful! I heard a slightly similar one:

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well when I woke up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say: 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me... As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.' I thought: Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they'll remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and by the way, Happy Birthday!'
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me...' I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the best thing I've heard all day! Let's go!'
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
He instead chose a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know... it's such a beautiful day.... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'
I responded, 'I guess not... What do you have in mind?'
He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied. He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my husband my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday!!!' And I just sat there....
On the couch.....
Naked.